No Person Will Ever Complete You

Ever felt like life doesn't really start until you've found the one, or that a wedding ring would finally fix the loneliness? This one is about that. About this episode We are continuing the Jesus the Revolutionary series, and this week Dave Connolly looks at what Jesus actually says about marriage and singleness in Matthew 19:1-12. Dave takes on the cultural lie that someone out there will complete us, and walks through why relationships are a gift rather than the source of our identity, security or salvation. The hard stuff is here too, marriage breakdown, divorce, the pressure single Christians often feel, with a clear caveat that faithfulness never means tolerating abuse. Hosts Matt Edmundson and Anna pick it up afterwards in Conversation Street, with three generations of marriage in the room. Timestamps 00:00 Welcome to Crowd Church 05:03 The talk begins, When Romance Isn't Enough 05:27 Matthew 19 and God's design for marriage 08:31 Marriage is covenant, not a consumer contract 10:30 The question isn't "am I happy" but "am I becoming like Jesus" 12:56 Christ loved the church, sacrificial love (Ephesians 5) 15:43 Singleness and undivided devotion (1 Corinthians 7) 16:32 Your value is found in Christ, not your relationship status 19:09 Church as family, making room at the table 22:30 Marriage points to Christ and the church 24:00 Don't ask a person for what only Jesus can give 26:23 Come to me, all who are weary (Matthew 11:28) 26:54 Christ is enough 28:25 Conversation Street begins 31:41 Is there really just one person for you? 36:15 Matt's word-of-knowledge story 37:30 Married "with the exit sign lit up", divorce and grace 44:00 Picking up singleness 45:14 The loneliness question 46:55 Anna on a fruitful season of singleness 54:22 What does the Bible say about dating? 59:37 Wrap and Live Lounge Key references Matthew 19:1-12 , Jesus questioned about marriage and divorce, pointing back to God's original design (the main passage) Matthew 19:6 , "what God has joined together, let no one separate" Ephesians 5:25-32 , Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, marriage as a picture of Christ and the church 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 , singleness and the opportunity it gives for undivided devotion to the Lord Romans 12:5 , we are one body in Christ and individually members one of another Matthew 22:30 , "in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage" Matthew 11:28 , "Come to me, all you who labour and are heavy burdened, and I will give you rest" Quotes from the talk "Your value is not determined by whether somebody has chosen you romantically. Your value is found in Christ." — Dave Connolly "Nobody is better than anybody, because anybody can be the wrong body." — Dave Connolly "There's three people in a Christian marriage, Christ should be right at the centre of it." — Dave Connolly Conversation Street highlights Where the talk ends and the real conversation begins. There were three generations of marriage round the table, Dave at 47 years with Julie, Matt at 28 with Sharon, and Anna at 13 and a half with Andy. Matt and Sharon actually did their marriage prep with Dave and Julie, and Matt reckons marriage prep is the single best thing you can do before you marry. The first big question was whether there is just "the one". Anna does not buy it, she doesn't think God's plan for our lives is that narrow, and she pointed to how redeeming he is across the choices people make. She married at 33 and is pretty sure it would not have worked at 21, because both she and Andy were too immature then, so timing and maturity matter. Matt added a nuance, there may not be one single person you are destined to marry, but once you are married there is only one person to be married to. You choose one, and you act like it. He told the story of a men's meeting where he sensed God flag that someone was having an affair, and the man later told him "God told me the affair's okay because I married the wrong person." Matt's point was simple, God is not going to okay something he has clearly said is wrong. A lot of the conversation sat with divorce and grace. Dave remembered a divorced woman wondering whether she could ever marry again, and his answer was that God is gracious and kind and does not want us living under judgment. Matt put his own theology plainly, don't get divorced, but if you have, God's grace and redemption are still there and you are not shut out of church life. As he said, there is nothing so broken that God can't redeem. Both of them were careful to carry the caveat that if someone is being abused, the first thing is to get safe. They were honest that almost anything in a marriage is fixable, but it takes both people wanting to work at it. That lifts the shame off anyone who has been trying to carry it alone, one person working hard cannot fix it on their own. Anna shared how she and Andy saw a Christian therapist through a season of grief and baby loss, and how it helped not just that season but every season since. The encouragement that kept coming back was to get support early, be humble and ask for help at the first bump in the road rather than waiting for crisis point. Singleness got proper airtime too, not as a footnote to the marriage chat. Anna was single through most of her 20s and felt the pressure, from family wanting grandkids and the sense as a woman that time was ticking, and a good deal of it came from Christians who treated marriage as the ultimate goal. What changed things was getting her attitude right, trusting God with the timing and asking what she could do now rather than pining for what she did not yet have. It became a season of real fruitfulness. She lived in a shared house with seven or eight other single adults, several of whom became Christians and are still walking with God, and she named a depth of discipleship and proximity you cannot have once you are married. Intentionality was the word she kept coming back to. Dave and Julie modelled the other side of it, always having single people round after church, not to "represent the singles" but because of who they are, making room at the table. The last question was about dating "according to the Bible". Dave drew out the very different ancient culture, the move from a man making inroads to betrothal, then preparing a room at his father's house until the father said it was ready, which ties into the second coming and Jesus preparing a place for us. Anna was clear that dating is a modern construction but still valuable, as long as it is done with boundaries, purpose, intentionality, prayerfully, honouring the other person, and with accountability to people you trust. Dave added the Bible's steer about not being unequally yoked, a Christian and a non-Christian will hit real issues, and Anna rounded it off with the observation that you can be unequally yoked even as two Christians, through plain incompatibility. The takeaway they landed on, you are not defined by your relationship status, married or single. Links Explore more and join the conversation at crowd.church Curious about faith, or just have a lot of questions? The Alpha Course is running now on Wednesday evenings, and it is still fine to join partway through. Get in touch through the website. Crowd Church, a community for those who might not see the point of church.