How to Stop Reacting in an Argument (From a Desi Psychologist)

Your partner says you're being irresponsible with the credit card. And before you've given yourself a moment to formulate a response, you've already answered, attacking back.I'm Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist in California. In this episode, you're going to learn how I (and many others) approach therapy and help patients learn to respond in more intentional ways. 0:00 "Have you considered therapy?" What people mean when they say it0:31 Who I am: a Desi clinical psychologist1:22 Why we react: "You never call me" and "You're so irresponsible"2:20 The "space between stimulus and response" idea, often credited to Viktor Frankl3:26 What therapy is really about: insert a pause, choose an intentional response4:43 Talk from your emotions or about your emotions?5:07 How to respond to an angry partner: "change the music in that conversation"6:50 The STOP skill: how to pause and give yourself time in an argument11:03 The question to help you figure out how to respond13:48 Next week: "log kya kahenge"14:19 Takeaways: the framework, the skill, the questionCorrection: Turns out this quote was traced to Stephen R. Covey, who summarized Viktor Frankl's ideas using this quote. Viktor Frankl was a psychiatrist, Holocaust survivor, and author of Man's Search for Meaning. The STOP skill comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT. I learned the question about how you want someone to feel in your presence from Dr. Mona Fishbane, who will join us on the podcast in the new year.Next week: "log kya kahenge," the three words so many of us grew up hearing. Why it exists, how to handle it when it comes up, and a different question to ask yourself instead.Send this to someone who wants to be better at pausing and growing in their relationships. Every share helps normalize learning skills like these.And if you want to share a drama you are in, message me at desi-dramas.com. I might unpack your tension in an upcoming episode.To find the podcast, resources, and contact Dr. Heena:Contact: https://desi-dramas.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desi-DramasSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033j40tjJOYSJREHnoGBGSApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/desi-dramas/id1896851794Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desidramaspodcastTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desidramasPsychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/heena-manglani-terranova-san-diego-ca/1213462